Bring Me the Head of Dilpazier Aslam

The Guardian, perhaps the UK's worst example of mindless, irresponsible, Leftist "thought", has now decided to provoke anti-Muslim violence. Not tacitly, of course, and probably not intentionally (though a few spicy hooligan-on-Mohammedan beatings might be just the thing to boost circulation), but by printing a justification for the London terror bombings penned by a sociopathic Islamist radical. The Guardian has even hired this viper as a "journalism trainee".

We Rock the Boat by Dilpazier Aslam blames the British for the London bombings. The British shouldn't have been "shocked" that they occurred. Young Muslims are "sassy" now and not afraid to excuse the actions of the subhuman vermin who perpetrated the terror attacks.

Shocked would be to suggest we didn't appreciate that when Falluja was flattened, the people under it were dead but not forgotten - long after we had moved on to reading more interesting headlines about the Olympics.

Yes, Britons, it's your fault that those Londoners died because you supported the Americans in cleaning out a nest of terrorist snakes whose compatriots are now busying themselves looking for children to immolate.

Second- and third-generation Muslims are without the don't-rock-the-boat attitude that restricted our forefathers. We're much sassier with our opinions, not caring if the boat rocks or not.

Translation: "We applaud terrorists."

Earlier this year I attended a mosque in Leeds for Friday prayers. It was in the month of Ramadan, when Islamic fervour is at its most impassioned, yet in the sermon, to a crowd of hundreds - many of whom were from Iraq - Falluja was not referred to once; not even in the cupped-hands prayers after the sermon was over.

Take the hint, you bloodthirsty, fringe-dwelling mentally ill asshat. That's an indication that the average, sane Muslim doesn't want anything to do with your extremist ideology.

The don't-rock-the-boat attitude of elders doesn't mean the agitation wanes; it means it builds till it can be contained no more.

Okay, Dilpazier, I've decided to bow to your "logic" - sauce for the goose and all that. That's why I'm issuing a secular fatwah and asking for some loyal Briton to saw off your head and ship it to me (use Fed-Ex, please, so I can get a morning delivery, and do remember the dry ice, also, a videotape of the "execution").

You see Dillweed, my agitation has been building for some time, long before 9/11 as a matter of fact. It was crystal clear to me some time soon after the attack on the USS Cole that you and your ilk (and by "ilk" I mean terrorists) are despicable snakes who cannot be reasoned with, and thus must be put down for the common good.

Certainly you can have no complaint if acts similar to the ones you seek to excuse and justify are perpetrated against yourself. It's just that I'm so "sassy" and "agitated", and, as you say, that excuses any action, no matter how barbaric. I considered having your head preserved and mounted for display by a taxidermist but will probably simply feed it to hogs.

Disclaimer: I am not really interested in receiving the head of Dilpazier Aslam, nor do I advocate any act of violence against him. The spurious request is made to demonstrate via reductio ad absurdum that Aslam's logic is invalid, and, indeed, sophomoric in the extreme. This disclaimer is made because there is such an enormous number of imbeciles who advocate Leftist ideologies and who cannot be depended upon to recognize satirical comments. Forceps babies, each and every one of them.

Via Ace of Spades, by way of The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler.