Friday, March 03, 2006

Do You Suffer From Bush Derangement Syndrome?

Created by Erik Axelson

If you think you might have Bush Derangement Syndrome, or BDS, just take this simple self-administered test:

1. Do you interject non sequiters about President Bush, Vice President Cheney or Karl Rove into ordinary conversations without warning?

2. Is the Kerry-Edwards sticker still affixed to your car?

3. Did you replace a faded Kerry-Edwards sticker or an Al Gore/2000 sticker with a new one?

4. Did you vote twice in the 2004 election, once from your primary residence and once from your country home?

5. In the past 60 days, have you engaged in one or more heated arguments about the War against Islamist terror?
a. Once (1 point)
b. Twice (2 points)
c. Three times (3 points)
d. More than three times (5 points)

6. Have you found yourself yelling at members of the Bush administration when they appear on your television?

7. Have you found yourself yelling at Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, George Stephanopoulos, Bob Schieffer or other network anchors for not being tough enough on Bush?

8. Have you marched with Cindy Sheehan or with Code Pink?

9. Did you send a political donation to Paul Hackett in his campaign for a special election to the U.S. House, even though you don't live in Ohio?

10. Have you demonstrated your "support for the troops" by pushing for the Murtha Amendment, which would have authorized an immediate withdrawl from Iraq?

11. Do you secretly welcome hearing bad news from Iraq because you assume it will hurt President Bush's standing in opinion polls?

12. Are you disappointed there have not been any further terrorist attacks since 9/11?

13. Do you still think the discredited memos typed on Microsoft Word broadcast by CBS's "60 Minutes" were legitimate historical documents from 1972 proving George W. Bush shirked his duty in the Texas Air National Guard?

14. Do you believe that Karl Rove actually produced and leaked these documents to discredit Dan Rather?

15. Do you obsessively try to figure out how a "war for oil" has resulted in much higher oil and gasoline prices?

16. Do you support Harry Belafonte's judgement, stated at an anti-American rally in dictator Hugo Chavez's Venezuela, that George W. Bush is a bigger terrorist than Osama Bin Laden ("if Bin Laden actually did that which he is accused of doing")?

17. Do you, like the New York Times editorial page, frequently try to reconcile the fact that the crime rate has gone down at the same time the prison population has increased?

18. Does President Bush's religiosity drive you bonkers?

19. Do you object to President Bush's support of tuition tax credits and vouchers so that poor families can send their children to private schools? Give yourself 2 points if you believe this AND send your own kids to private schools.

20. Do you find that you are avoiding friends who do not share your vitriolic disdain for President Bush?

21. In your computer dating profile do you feature your loathing for Bush and the Republican Party and warn that you will not date Republicans or Bush supporters?

22. Are you convinced that Scooter Libby outed Valery Plame on orders from Dick Cheney and Karl Rove?

23. Do you support the immediate impeachment of President Bush?

24. Do you think that the United Nations should supervise future U.S. elections?

25. Do you wonder how it is possible for the U.S. economy to grow so strongly in the past 3 years while Bush has cut income and business taxes?

26. When you are planning a vacation, do you avoid going to red states?

27. Did you make jokes about Dick Cheney’s quail-shooting incident, such as saying that it was really a warning to Scooter Libby or that Bush should have been in his friend Harry’s place?

28. Are you still trying to figure out how Karl Rove and Mr. Diebold rigged the election in Ohio, giving Bush the victory in that crucial state by 119,000 votes?

Now to score yourself, just award one point for each "yes" answer. Make sure you correctly calibrate your response to the sliding scale responses for questions 5 and 19.

Here's how you rate on the Bush Derangement Syndrome scale:

• 0-5 points Pretty normal; just another mildly partisan Democrat
• 6-10 points In the orange zone; ask a friend to monitor your outbursts
• 11-15 points Could be trouble; might want to consider voluntarily not watching TV
• 16-20 points Go immediately to your psychiatric practioner
• 21-34 points You have full-bore BDS; check in NOW to St. Elizabeth's Hospital

With prompt treatment BDS can be abated, though full cures are rare. Early detection and treatment are vital to recovering your faculties.

Also posted at The Jawa Report and Vince Aut Morire.