Ted Turner to Become Zombie Cannibal

Proving that great intelligence need not accompany great wealth, the former Mr. Jane Fonda, unwittingly revealed his plan to become a zombie cannibal:

"We'll be eight degrees hotter in 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow," Turner said during a wide-ranging, hour-long interview with PBS's Charlie Rose that aired Tuesday.

"Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals," said Turner, 69. "Civilization will have broken down. The few people left will be living in a failed state — like Somalia or Sudan — and living conditions will be intolerable."

Update: sources report that Turner may have already achieved a state of zombiehood. This photo reveals a smiling Ted Turner (circled) with Confederate forces shortly before the Battle of Gettysburg.