Sunday, January 04, 2009

Bluto's Predictions for 2009

Before we get into the mystical realm of prognostication, I'd like to thank my faithful trolls at The Dread Pundit Bluto for continuing to make hysterical (in both senses of the word) comments here while I was away, thus confirming beyond any doubt that I have been more successful than I dreamed in irritating America's "progressive" elements. *Sniff* I love you guys!

Now, on to the exercise of my occult abilities.

Prediction one: after playing the major role in selecting our new President, the mainstream media will continue its decline, having been a wee bit too open in the leg tingling, "we're gonna win" cheerleading for anyone with more than two neurons to rub together to continue the pretense of an unbiased Fourth Estate. Good riddance. Perhaps some of the more skilled laid off "journalists" can use their writing skills in a more appropriate field: advertising. But remember "reporters," while you can't get in trouble for lying under the guise of "journalism," you can be sued for false advertising. That's one of the things that makes ad copywriters, as a class, more honest and trustworthy than journalists.

Prediction two: new Veep Joe Biden's "guarantee" that the Obama administration will face a major test in its first six months, and that "it won't be immediately apparent" that it's doing the right thing in its response. Considering that Biden's audience was chuckleheaded liberals, "not doing the right thing" to please them could translate into actually doing the right thing for the country as a whole. At least at first.

The test will be the the invasion of Taiwan by the Red Chinese, and Obama will surprise conservative critics by committing US naval and air forces to the defense of the Nationalist Chinese government. That's what won't look so good to Obama's socialist progressive supporters. Oh ye of little faith. Ultimately, Barack will agree to a peaceful settlement that brings Taiwan back under mainland control, albeit with less authoritarianism, a la Hong Kong.

Prediction three: Michelle will be unleashed. Incommunicado during the latter stages of the campaign, due to her predilection for uttering idiotic unAmericanisms, the distaff Obama will find her traditional First Lady mission in the struggle to extract "reparations" from every ofay wallet that can be prised open.

Prediction four: Senator Teddy will finally get the chance to explain himself to Mary Jo.

Prediction five: Blago will be brought up on conspiracy charges, but will beat the rap. After pro forma chest-thumping, Senate Democrats will welcome the empty suit that the man with the dead badger on his head has appointed to serve in Obama's seat. When Roland runs for re-election, it will hardly be worth a mention in the MSM.

Prediction six: by summer 2009 gasoline will again be over $4 per gallon. Congressional Dems will not only move to reinstate the moratorium on offshore drilling, they will impose new Federal taxes on gasoline. This will greenlight OPEC's quest to raise the price of crude. Remember, Obama wants gas to be expensive; he just didn't want it to rise as quickly as it did.

Prediction seven: the Democrat-controlled Congress will move to abrogate the Bill of Rights, as far as conservative views are concerned. The so-called "Fairness Doctrine," designed to squelch conservative talk radio, will be passed. This will make predictions for 2010 very interesting, and very dire indeed.