Thursday, May 26, 2005

Senate Resistance Proposes Alternative Bolton Candidates

Democrats and RINOs of the US Senate Resistance, who have been obstructing opposing the nomination of John Bolton as US Ambassador to the United Nations, have named two other men they feel would better represent the United States' interests in a world body such as the United Nations.

In a dramatic announcement, Ohio Republican George Voinovich and Democratic Whip Harry Reid (D, NV) said in a joint press release that they were, "ecstatic and enthusiastic" about the qualifications of each of their alternative candidates. "We need a person with the sensitivity to recognize the multi-cultural sensitivities inherent in an august body like the United Nations, not a bullying blowhard with a ridiculous mustache. That's why we're happy to put forth the names of Mr. Fred Rogers and Mr. Neville Chamberlain, either of whom have the demonstrated ability to convey US interests with the compassion and sensitivity so necessary when dealing with head lopping Islamist terrorists and people sensitive to the needs of Palestinian babyhunters."

Mr. Fred Rogers

Neville Chamberlain

When reached for comment, John Bolton said, "What the...they're both dead, and Chamberlain wasn't even an American citizen."

Senator Voinovich, weeping quietly, decried Bolton's blatant prejudice against the dead and foreign, and stated that Bolton's remarks merely emphasized Voinovich's earlier charge that Bolton was, "...a bully who attacks those least able to defend themselves."

"Dead people are, of course, unable to respond to vicious attacks on their qualifications," said Voinovich, "Bolton should be ashamed for pointing out an unavoidable disability. Who better to represent us in a dead world body than a dead person?"

Parody (duh)