Friday, March 31, 2006

A Modest Illegal Amnesty Compromise Is Proposed

With Congress members from both parties telling us that actually enforcing our immigration laws, and deporting the estimated 12 million illegal immigrants currently sucking up shrinking social, educational, and medical resources serving as the backbone of the American free enterprise system would cause our economy to collapse, something needs to be done. God knows that there are so very many money-grubbing traitors honest, ungreedy employers in the US who simply can't afford to pay the legal minimum wage, and nobody wants the price of a head of lettuce to go up fifty, or even sixty, cents.

The Dread Pundit Bluto has devised a plan that should keep everyone happy.

The proposal, which I call the Compromise On Immigration Tensions in the United States, or COITUS, uses current immigration quotas and levels of illegal immigrants to reach a fair and humane resolution of the current illegal immigration kerfluffle. I think that the United States should do COITUS on Mexico immediately to relieve the awful tensions we've seen displayed this week in cities across the country.

Here's how COITUS will work. Each year, the United States permits 1 million people to become permanent residents. 200,000 of these people come from Mexico. To make things easier, we'll round down the 12 million illegals to 10 million, and just say that the other 2 million illegals are from Leichtenstein, Wales, and Outer Mongolia. To keep things fair, we'll do COITUS on these countries as well.

This means that Mexico's quota for legal immigrants is 1 million every five years. Now, I'm proposing that we confer permanent resident status on the 10 million illegals currently wiping their butts with the laws of the land serving as the vital, indispensable backbone of the US economy (especially in the areas of landscaping, domestic engineering, and food service).

This means that Mexico has fulfilled its legal immigrant requirement until the year 2057. No more immigrants from Mexico until then. Leichtenstein, Wales, and Outer Mongolia will have COITUS done on them until sometime in the next century, but who cares about them anyway? The goal of the United States Congress and the President should be to satisfy the needs of Mexico's citizens.

After all, that's why they were elected, isn't it?

Also posted at The Jawa Report and Vince Aut Morire.