Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Stephen King: Army is for Illiterates

Stephen King's novels have suffered over the past few years from his earlier wild success. King has never been noted for diligent research, but more than made up the lack with imaginative plot twists and characters. Unfortunately, it seems that King became so successful that editors were afraid to point out to the author his more extravagant and stupid personal indulgences; for instance, including himself as a character in his disappointing "Dark Tower" series.

While King's early research faux pas were relatively minor (in "The Shining": a magneto from a snowmobile described as looking like an "octopus" when only high-end racing snowmobiles had more than two cylinders), now King's disdain for mental rigor has led him to slander America's armed forces, echoing John Kerry's idiotic gaffe.

From NewsBusters:
I don't want to sound like an ad, a public service ad on TV, but the fact is if you can read, you can walk into a job later on. If you don't, then you've got, the Army, Iraq, I don't know, something like that. It's, it's not as bright. So, that's my little commercial for that.
NewsBusters has the video as well. It's really a shame that Stephen King seems to have suffered irreversible brain damage when that van hit him a few years ago in Maine.

Or maybe it's just the bitterness that many physically weak and dorky men feel toward the people who protect them from harm. It's a sort of defense mechanism, I suppose, a revenge of the nerds rejection of those who are more capable.

Update: King responds to NewsBusters' Noel Shepard piece with whiny misdirection:
A message from Stephen
That a right-wing-blog would impugn my patriotism because I said children should learn to read, and could get better jobs by doing so, is beneath contempt. Noel Sheppard says, “Nice sentiment when the nation is at war, Stephen.” I guess he feels ignorance and illiteracy are OK when the country needs cannon-fodder. I guess he also feels that the war in Iraq has nationwide approval. Well, it doesn’t have mine. It is a waste of national resources. . . and that includes the youth and blood of the 4,000 American troops who have lost their lives there and for the tens of thousands who have been wounded. I live in a national guard town, and I support our troops, but I don’t support either the war or educational policies that limit the options of young men and women to any one career—military or otherwise. If you agree, find Sheppard on the internet, and send him an email:

“Hi, Noel—Stephen King says to shut up and I agree.”

Unfortunately for King, the video reveals that his imagination has gotten the better of his memory.

Noel Shepard takes note of King's continued hole-digging here. Shepard also notes that Stephen has shut down his own discussion boards.

For the record, I don't impugn King's patriotism because he wants tiny, cute little children to learn to read. On the contrary, since the American military doesn't accept illiterates, patriotic youth hoping to serve their country should get the best education they can. The also-rans can always read Stephen King novels while waiting for their Welfare checks.

I'm impugning King's patriotism 1) because he's become such a douche, and douchehood precludes patriotism, 2) because he has no clue about qualifications for military service and no interest in learning about them, 3) Stephen King is clearly a self-admitted defeatist and defeatists are, pretty much be definition, not patriots, 4) King thinks the First Amendment applies only to himself and people who think like him, and 5) because he's become such an effeminate, whining douche.

And finally, it's been suggested to me that the photo I posted, allegedly of Stephen King, may actually be former Attorney General Janet Reno. I'll look into it.