Monday, January 30, 2006

The Protocols of Zircon

My friends, a document has just come into my hands that calls into question everything I have believed in. It is my sad duty as a blogger citizen journalist to publish this damning portion of a memorandum, the source of which I may not reveal. It details the despicable plans of a worldwide conspiracy, an apparent splinter group of the Illuminati, dedicated to the total subjugation and corruption of the United States of America. The Zionist-Inspired Republican Conspiracy Of Neocons traces its lineage to worshippers of the ancient personification of Ba'al. And now, their diabolical plot approaches its awful culmination.

This is obviously a to-do list. Some missing portions have been extrapolated:
98112. Instruct Supreme Court Androids (SCAs) to fix 2000 American election to ensure installation of Bush Simulacrum (BS). Accomplished.
98113. Incite the rabble with "terrorist" attack on United States, providing pretext to invade the Middle Eastern oilfields, begin restriction of civil rights, weaken the Democrat foe. Accomplished.
98114. Install Diebold voting machines in key areas for 2004 election. Accomplished.
98115. BS to install two additional SCAs. Pending.
98116. Declare 1978 FISA law unconstitutional. Pending.
98117. Declare Roe v. Wade unconstitutional. Pending.
98118. Declare 22nd Amendment (limiting President to two terms) unconstitutional. Pending.
98119. Declare Emancipation Proclamation unconstitutional. Pending.
98120. Activate minority babyfarms to provide Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to elders. Pending.
My friends, I cannot conceive of such evil; the Left was...are...right!

Black helicopters are circling the house...I don't know how much more time I have to communicate with you...will flee with laptop...VOTE DEMOCRATIC!!!