Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Night Before Christmas, 2006

Kurl, the master song parodist of Slate's Fray, sent me this typically brilliant Christmas Eve opus:

The Night Before Christmas, 2006

'Twas the night before Christmas, Two Thousand and Six
The Republicans reeling, they’ve taken their licks
They’ve ceded the Senate, and even the House
Still in search of a message they failed to espouse
The libs all agog, they’ve been taking their meds
While dreams of impeachment would dance in their heads
The RNC headquarters slept like a morgue,
As the Dems celebrated with
There’s a lesson to learn from November’s election,
And our country’s prepared for a bold new direction
Our agenda enriches each woman and man,
And we’re finally prepared to expose our new plan
The first of our issues attentions require
Is the war in Iraq, it’s a bloody quagmire
It is evil George Bush who must shoulder the blame
We demand that he grovel, admit to his shame
He’ll address the whole nation, confess to war crimes
A moment so poignant, so sweet and sublime
More rapid than donkeys the Democrats gathered
And they whistled, and shouted, they carped and they blathered

"Hey Harry! Look Howie! Fat Ted’s on a bender!
He partied with Kerry! There’s talk of surrender!
Murtha’s trashing the troops and proclaiming with joy:
"We must quickly turn tail and at once redeploy!"
We shall prosecute soldiers, shut down Abu Ghraib
Free those poor tortured souls at Guantanamo Bay
All the clerics, jihadists, Imams we’ll embrace
Lest no one be judged by religion or race

Let’s get to it now, in our very first session
And avert a train wreck of the next Great Depression
These destructive tax cuts, irresponsible gamble
Our economy languished in tatters and shambles
There’s a growing abyss ‘tween the haves and have nots,
While the working stiffs struggle, they cruise on their yachts
We shall soak all the rich for those falling behind,
Well, except if their name ends in Soros or Heinz
Now roll back those cuts! We’ve compassion! We care!
It’s high time that the bastards cough up their fair share!
And across this great nation prosperity reigns
With a buck fifty hike in the minimum wage
If you’re under the weather, you’re sick or you’re bleedin’
Get ready for treatment from France or from Sweden
For the system’s on life support, needing repair
Usher in the new era of HillaryCare
Got a hangnail, a pimple, an ache in your back?
Join the end of the queue for a government quack
Does your gender need change, God forbid emphysema?
Come and stop by our clinic, it’s run just like FEMA
Pelosi’s at work, now she’s draining the swamp
The people have spoken, we won in a romp
An end to corruption would certainly please her
She’ll ignore 90 Gs in Bill Jefferson’s freezer
Let us bury the hatchet, rise above all this drama
Join hands in a circle, genuflect to Obama
And though we’ve banned Santa, he’s surfaced in spite
"Merry Christmas (er, um, scrap that) Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!"