Friday, October 12, 2007

Now That We Know the Rules on Child Advocates...

...namely, that no one is allowed to contradict anything asserted by a child in a political advertisement, here's a proposed script for a new television spot:

MUSIC: "Greensleeves" (also known as the theme from "Lassie")

FADE IN: Little nine year old Melissa "Missy" Jones sits on a canopied bed amid her collection of stuffed animals. Missy is puffy-eyed and obviously upset.

MUSIC: Swells, then fades to background.

MISSY: Mommy says my daddy has gone to live in Heaven [sniff, snork].

MUSIC: Swells briefly while Missy, chest hitching, buries her face in her arms.

MISSY: Mommy says that the terrorists killed daddy in Iraq. [sniff] She said that they did it because people wrote lies in newspapers that daddy's friends were killing people who weren't soldiers. Mommy says that the newspaper people found out later that the terrorists made the people get killed on purpose, but the newspaper people don't want anyone to know they were wrong. [snork]

Then a man named Dick Durbin said that my daddy and his friends were Nazis and another man named Harry Reid said that the war was lost. And a man named Jack Murtha said my daddy and his friends were murderers. Mommy says they helped our emenies and got daddy killed.

MUSIC: Music swells again briefly while Missy sniffles and wipes her nose on a stuffed bear.

MISSY: Why did Mr. Reid and Mr. Murtha and Mr. Durbin kill my daddy?

MUSIC: Swells as we...