Saturday, February 11, 2006

I'm Sure It Happened Exactly That Way, George

George Clooney expounds on his simple-minded political views in a softball interview for the Guardian, and really gets into the role:
"I was at a party the other night and it was all these hardcore Republicans and these guys are like, 'Why do you hate your country?' I said, 'I love my country.' They said, 'Why, at a time of war, would you criticise it then?' And I said, 'My country right or wrong means women don't vote, black people sit in the back of buses and we're still in Vietnam. My country right or wrong means we don't have the New Deal.' I mean, what, are you crazy? My country, right or wrong? It's not your right, it's your duty. And then I said, 'Where was I wrong, schmuck?' In 2003 I was saying, where are the ties [between Iraq] and al-Qaida? Where are the ties to 9/11? I knew it; where the fuck were these Democrats who said, 'We were misled'? That's the kind of thing that drives me crazy: 'We were misled.' Fuck you, you weren't misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic."
Like, really? Like, you didn't kind of imagine this conversation in your head, did you, George? Like maybe you could name the "hardcore Republicans" so we could hear their side of the story?

But, like anyway, George, it reminds of something that happened to me the other day. Like, this hardcore liberal was, like, talking shit about America, you know, and he said, "George Bush is the biggest terrorist in the world!" And I was like, "Sir, your hypothesis is absurd. The basis of modern terrorism is the use of vicious, wanton attacks on innocent people in order to elicit fear on the populace for the purpose of coercing them into putting pressure on their leaders to make concessions that the terrorist deems desirable." And, shit, man, the hardore liberal is like, "Uh...", and then I'm like, "And obvously, George Bush, as the twice-elected President of the United States of America has not only the right, but the Constitutional duty, sir, to take whatever action he deems necessary to effect the safety and well-being of the country and her citizens, including appropriate military actions." And the lib dude is like, "But, but...", and then he had a stroke and died right on the spot! It was like karma, man, karma.

Now, none of this is to say that George Clooney is a lying sack of shit, and don't you ever question his patriotism.

Also posted at The Jawa Report and Vince Aut Morire.