Tuesday, February 27, 2007

How Green Do You Want To Be?

Radio host Glenn Beck notes today that Sunday's Oscar presenters had a very special "green" item included in their "goody bags." Each received a special dispensation from terrapass.com to reduce their annual "carbon footprint," measured in CO2 emissions, by 100,000 pounds.

That's fifty tons. According to bp's carbon footprint calculator, the average American's carbon footprint is 18 tons per year.

For a $159.00 donation to terrapass, celebrities and environmentally conscious little people can have their carbon footprints symbolically offset by contributing to one of terrapass's green programs.

We don't think that's enough. For $159.00, we will have one of our operatives put down a homeless person, eliminating their carbon footprint for what would have been the remainder of his or her natural life, thus significantly reducing America's total carbon footprint. There will, of course, be other environmental and aesthetic benefits to this program.

(For the benefit of the semi-retarded who may have stumbled through the preceding by sounding out the words and mumbling to themselves, this is satire.)