Saturday, February 24, 2007

Oscar Predictions

I have it on a tip from a third cousin whose friend talked to Ernest Borgnine's fluffer: the Academy is set to make a bold political statement tomorrow night. The Oscars in EVERY category will be awarded to Al Gore for his mockumentary, "An Inconvenient Truth."

In order to avoid charges of hypocrisy, the Glitterati will arrive at the ceremonies in a secretly manufactured fleet of Prius limousines. And it will be announced that next year, the stars' private jets will be replaced with dirigibles from the Green Airship Fleet, being constructed from recycled materials and powered by the farts of cattle, specially outfitted with airtight "diapers," designed to catch the precious gas before it escapes into the atmosphere.

This year will be known as the "Year Without Oscars," reminding people that the "Year Without Summer" was NOT caused by the explosion of the volcano Krakatoa, as reactionary revisionist historians would have it, but actually by the rise of steam engine technology, a fact which has been concealed by agents of the Bush family.