Court Rules That Chimpanzees Aren't People

Sort of, and, of course there will be an appeal. But, it now appears that the Austrian court is satisfied that Matthew Hiasl Pan is, in fact, a chimpanzee, rather than a human being. The real shame is that the lawyers and the idiots who hired them, who have just wasted thousands of hours of everyone's time arguing that Matthew Hiasl Pan, chimpanzee, is a person, are considered human, instead of being locked up in cages with their feces-flinging clients.

From the Associated Press:

VIENNA, Austria - Austria's Supreme Court has dashed hopes by animal rights activists to have a chimpanzee declared a person, a statement suggested Tuesday.

The court recently rejected a petition to appoint a trustee for the chimp, named Matthew Hiasl Pan, the Vienna-based Association Against Animal Factories said, and subsequently vowed to contact the European Court of Human Rights over the matter.

This is not a person. It is either a chimp, or an animal rights lawyer.